“Dhamma is so simple and yet people have made it so complicated. There cannot be anything simpler than Dhamma. It has been made complicated by adding this or that philosophy, this or that belief. Just practise; don’t make it complicated.” – SN Goenka
Life is changing quickly now. Much have happened the last few weeks. I have entered an introverted period as I have sat another 10-day course. I am realizing the limitations of communicating without actually being face to face with people. I have stopped using my cell phone and gotten rid of my digital camera and computer. I don’t do much e-mailing anymore either. This kind of communication has its uses, but it will never be as good as a face to face conversation. Of course, this blog is still important to me.
I am adapting more and more the lifestyle of a monk. Now I know I will be practicing Vipassana Meditation for the rest of my life. Simply because, there is no way I could go back to living the life I lived before. It is like a vail has been lifted from my eyes and finally I am seeing the true world in which we live. My life would be meningless without the dhamma. I want to face this challenge head on, in the present, within myself. Therefore I have decided to stay at the center at least through August.
Day by day, drop by drop, the defilments fade away. After this last course I know I want to eradicate my passions – my sexual desires. Finally I understand. I have been down that road so many times but now I know – it does not lead to happiness. Thanks to daily practice, Vipassana courses and serving I have realized the truth. What a relief it is!!
Thus I have made an adhitthana (a decision of strong determination) – that I will not enter a physical relation with anyone unless there is a great chance that the relationship will last for life. Of course with the natural eradication of passion as a mutual goal. My chances of ever meeting anyone who would want such a relationship are slim. But it does not matter. I am happy on my own.
This adhitthana has created such a calm for me. My mind is so balanced. Not jumping into fantasies about flirting or passionate dreams. When I look at a woman now, she is just another being in this world. And thus the possibility of loving all beings selflessly increases many times over. Passion is such a trap that holds us back from being the saints we could be.
I am becoming so comfortable here at the Vipassana center. The path is very long and I have just taken the first step. I feel so grateful that I am so well prepared for facing this challenge of a spiritual and devoted life. This path is not an easy one, but surely it leads to happiness.
I would never have been here unless so many noble people of the world would have contributed to my life. To all of you I am so grateful. And I would never have been here unless the saints of the past, the Buddha, his disciples and all that followed after, made this path available. The only way to pay back these debts of gratitude is to continue spreading the dhamma around the world so that you and all others also may find the happiness I know.
My metta is with you all,
walkthepath
As I understand the main obstacle for you has been the passion sankhara. For me it is the urge to get rich. I can not explain, I guess it comesf from my karma of the past lives as well as this one but it just is there…and it makes me so miserable.
I honestly thought that it would be easier for me to observe sensations that occure with money, but now that I am back in “real life” it is just so difficult. The whole meditation period both in the morning and the evening I have really hard time even observing my own breath, not even talking about sensations.
And in the end I just think that I am banging my head against the wall
On the other hand, if I would become so called nun and just sit and serve, for me it seems I would be escaping, because I could not handle the world around me.
Oh, I feel just so stuck right now. But this will pass as well, anicca
Ghandiji once said something like “Meditation requires the patience of someone emptying the ocean with a teacup”. Meditation is by no means easy. But it does get less difficult as we practice and get further on the path. The first 3 months of sitting 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening were very difficult for me as well. I can still have sittings when I cannot do anapana. But this does not matter. As Goenkaji has explained, it does not matter what you experience. What is important is how you relate to it. Just remain equanimous, anicca, everything changes. This will pass. Then you are well on your way to happiness. The key is simply to persist. Keep meditating every day, 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening, and soon you will see the difference.
Long term serving, or living at a Vipassana center, is a big step to take. Before you feel ready to do this, if you ever do, sitting one course and serving on one course every year, together with daily practice, is enough to advance on the path. No one can control the outer world. If you learn to handle your inner world, happiness will be yours always, and the outer world will not matter.
May you be peaceful,
walkthepath
Isn’t happiness a dualistic concept? Another thing for our being to grasp to and hope for? I’m not sure to understand why Goenka underlines some elements in his talks. We have to see the mind as it is. Not as happy or not happy. ?.
We all strive for happiness. No one wants to be unhappy. If you are moving away from unhappiness you are getting closer to happiness. There can’t be less darkness unless there is more light. A Buddha dwells in infinite love, infinit compassion and infinite goodwill. There is no greater bliss. No greater happiness.
This kind of happiness is so pure. As I am walking on this path I am experiencing moments when I’m just filled with happniess because so much unhappiness has gone away. Because I am becoming such a nobel person. It is such a bliss. Surely this path leads to true happiness.
May you be peaceful.
walkthepath
yeah, as Goenkaji´s words: happiness is simply our true nature. everything else is unhappiness. we simply strive for happiness because it is our nature. happiness is when we live in line with the law of nature. and likewise, we become happy when we live in line with the law of nature. and that´s the only point where we feel real peace, real happiness.
I´m truly happy for you, walkthepath, and the progress you´re making. May you keep your direction towards happiness.
julie